Atheist Angst

My, my, I am feeling the alliteration lately aren't I? That's two in a row now. Moving on, as you can no doubt tell from the post title, I've got some angst that I want to get off of my chest, and it has to do with atheism, or rather my being an atheist.

I've been an atheist sense almost as far back as I remember, my family is Catholic and I of course as a kid went through all the song and dance of being integrated into the church from baptism up until my first communion, after that I refused to go, I didn't want to be confirmed into a religion I didn't believe in. My immediate family is really good about my beliefs (or lack there of) and for the majority of my interactions with people it never really comes up. Its not often that I enter a room and immediately shout out that I don't believe in god. But recently It's come up at work, where some of my more religious coworkers have been pelting me with questions about my lack of beliefs and doing what happens a lot when I'm sucked into these conversations, trying to reason me back into faith. So in light of this I've decided to outline the questions/comments that frustrate me the most, please note that this isn't an attack on religion or religious thinking I'm just trying to let people know how it sounds from the other side.

1) So you worship Satan?

-No joke I've heard this one on at least ten separate occasions. No, I don't worship Satan, or any other mythical figure for that matter. Being an Atheist means that I don't believe in any of the characters in any mythos, Judeo-Christian or otherwise. I get to the religious mindset that the opposite of believing in god is automatically associated with some sort of devil figure, when the real opposite of believing in god is simply not believing in god. I promise that no other worldly figure is responsible for my lack of belief.

2) Aren't you afraid of going to Hell?/You do know your going to Hell

-Or in the case of well meaning people, I don't want you to go to Hell. Which I guess is a nice sentiment that people don't want me to go to a place they see as very real and very bad. But to be honest telling me that I am going to hell is pretty much equivalent to me telling someone that they're going to Narnia. It would have to effect, because we all know and accept Narnia as an imaginary place. The same goes for hell and any other type of purgatory to the Atheist.

3) What do you lose by believing in God/ Pascal's Wager.

-To be honest I would lose very little by believing in God as an abstract concept, and I would probably only lose one morning a week to religious belief. The problem is even if I did convert to a religion it would be only a half conversion my mindset will not allow me to accept something as real that I have to reason to posit the existence of. And in the case of God I see no reason to believe or posit his existence. For me there are no mysteries that can only be explained by appeal to some higher power, Its just something I don't need in my life. In the case of Pascal's wager, the same is true I feel no need to buy in to the cosmic insurance policy, I can't believe "just in case"

4) What do you think happens when you die?

-That one is easy to answer, I die, my consciousness ends and I as a person ceases to be. I hold no belief in an afterlife or that my consciousness will survive the death of my body. For me this makes this life more precious than If I had the concept of an afterlife to fall back on. I will live on in my legacy on this earth and that motivates me to leave behind a positive legacy and make the most of a very finite time to live.

5) Well where did we come from then/ Origin of the universe.

-This is one of the harder questions for me to answer, primarily because I don't have a definitive answer. The only things I state with any sort of certainty is back through how our galaxy was formed and from there the planets, and our individual species. This is all the information science has been able to give me. As for the origin of everything, as of now science does not have an answer, only theories. With those I am content, I am okay with not knowing exactly how the universe began, this uncertainty does not require me to reach for a higher power. Because for me the existence of a higher power creates the same question where did he/she come from? I guess I don't need absolute certainty for these matters.

There you go, the five questions that come up the most. Now please note that I in no way speak for all Atheists, these are just what I think about these questions. If you take issue with anything I've said or if you have any questions about religion/ lack their of don't hesitate to comment.

Breakup Blues.

Its been a little over a month sense my boyfriend of almost three years and I broke up. Everyone around me has been super great, from my mom letting me move back in, to my friends doing everything they can to keep me busy. As it is I haven't been all that broken up about the break up. I'm improving myself and doing new things, over all I take my moving on as a positive thing.

Love is overrated anyway.

So far I've interacted with my ex. at least once a week, we share a group of friends, frequent the same clubs, basically over three years our lives have pretty much become impossible to separate. Every time we've seen each other it's been nice, a quick hello, perhaps a conversation, we move on with whatever we happen to be doing. I can see us actually doing the whole "being friends" thing in a non cliche way.

Wow, your seem like a bit of an ass now that I'm not sleeping with you.

 Though to my friends and family's apparent abject horror the ex. has started dating again a mere month after our break up. And honestly I really couldn't give a crap. I like his new girl friend, she happens to be a lot like me personality wise (I guess my ex has a "type") and sense she is being introduced into the group of friends we've had some time to hang out and I can see us becoming friends as well. However all of my friends outside of the mutual group and horrified and ready to comfort me should I break down and lose it. 

How dare you ever date anyone ever again!

The thing is I knew this would happen, and given that almost all my friends have been male I also knew that this is pretty much following typical male post break up timeline. I didn't expect my ex to remain celibate for the rest of his life just because we didn't work out as a couple and I do want him to be happy (no really I do). I guess it just confuses me why people are acting like its the end of the world and I should be devastated. 

If I do this will you stop freaking out?

So does anyone have any advice? Has anyone else managed to be friendly with their ex? How did you react when they started dating again?

Day 12 and still a rolling on

I'm sure that most of you are sick and tired about hearing about my personal growth. Well too bad sonny its another thirty day challenge update/ operation great big life change.

I'm almost half way through the cleaning challenge and my room is perfectly clean and organized and has stayed that way for several days. Not only has the room been reorganized but the entire place has been vacuumed, moped, dusted and Windexed to hell. Further I want to do all of these at least once a week to maintain that nice and clean feelings.

See is so pretty! My car on the other hand is a disaster area and I've finally had the wherewithal to take some before pictures. If your easily freaked out by big messes avert your eyes because its pretty darn bad.

Have we all survived that ordeal? Good! Now to continue my little Narcissistic improvement goal.

A quick update.

I'm back and on day seven of my first thirty day challenge, which is to keep my living space fantastically clean. Now I wish I had the foresight to take more before pictures but you can assume that my room looked like the typical college dorm/ teenage bedroom. Lots of clothes and Items not put away and on the floor and very little organization. My closet was and is by far the worst for years I just threw everything and anything that I had no other space for in it. As of right now I've completely cleaned out and organized five out of the seven shelves (Ive given myself one small thing to organize a day while keeping the main portion of the room perfectly clean.)

So without further adieu. Here are some of the before/after pictures that I did manage to take.

And after a bit of cleaning:

 

I'm going to try to update with more pictures later in the week. I want to have everything completely organized by day 14. 

In other reform news I've actually managed to lose two pounds over the week and convinced myself to go clubbing by myself for the first time ever. I even danced in public something that I would have never done a few weeks ago :]

Feel fee to comment with organizing or cleaning tips for me! Thanks again everyone for your support everybody.

Identity Crisis.

So recently I've had a bit of a turn in my life, my three year relationship suddenly ended and I moved back in with my mother. Who thankfully was more than happy to have me back, I'm still in college after all. But that's not really my point. My point is I've taken some time to evaluate who I am and how I perceive myself and have come to the realization that there is a vast disconnect between the person that I am and the person that I picture myself to be in my head. I don't know if that makes much sense, basically the me in my head looks and acts a lot like this. 

super hero powers included.

While in reality I see myself more like this. 

This disconnect really severely bothers me. Its not that I hate my normal geeky average self, its that the person in my head is a reminder of what I could, be and do and accomplish if I apply myself properly. So I'm starting a slew of 30 day challenges from working out with NTC every day to keeping my living space an obsessive clean (trust me a huge jump)

The normal state of affairs.

The thing is, the biggest part about myself that I want to change will undoutably be the most difficult and the thing that will stand in my way with the rest of my goals. I have fantastically terrible at keeping commitments to myself, eat healthy exercise, it doesn't matter I get all into it for the first few days and then quit. So this is why I need you, unfortunate passer by to my humble blog. I don't care if your here entirely on accident and have no intention of returning. YOU. WILL. RETURN. and when you do and you find that I have gone five days without a update I implore you to bug the crap out of me spam my blogger inbox leave offensive comments insulting me what ever you need to do to get me updating on the situation. (encouragement would also be welcome)

Wish me luck my lovely little cherubs and fell free to share any life-changing goals you have (or have not) accomplished.

Disney Villains I Identify With More Than The Hero

In every story there are heroes and villains. Disney, my favorite movie maker/punching bag is no exception. Most of the time I do find myself feeling for the hero and rooting for all of his successes. Other times I swear they are off the mark because as much as I love the hero, I cant get behind him destroying the villain. Maybe I'm a psychopath, or just a bit messed up but I identify more with the antagonist more often than I like the hero. Here is my top ten list of villains who I think were given a bad rap or just have character flaws present in all of us taken just a little bit too far.

10. Captain Hook- Peter Pan

There has never been a more inept villain (save perhaps goob) that has ever roamed the earth. Hook here has every reason to be pissed off at that little twerp peter by the way. The kid cut off his hand (we never find out why) and feeds it to a crocodile that now has a liking for Hookflesh and follows him around as a form of psychological torture. God this guy has reason to be messed up and angry, hell if I was him I would have been after Pan with even more of a vengeance.

9. Price John- Robinhood

Prince John, a little tyke desperately trying to fill his much more capable brother's shoes. Ever been in a task that was much to big for you? Had an older more accomplished sibling and wanted to prove that you were just as good? Well here you are, John here was a rightful ruler in place of his brother nothing sinister about that, was he a crappy ruler? Yes. Should he have given up the throne and jeopardized his brother's rule? No. Plus the historical John gave way to the Magna Carter. So I need to have a bit of a soft spot for the guy.  

8. Goob - Meet the Robinsons

There was never a more lovable villain than Yagoobian (aka bowler hat guy) kept up all night by Lewis' science fair experiment he lost a key game and got so angry over it that it ate away at him and led him to never be adopted. Who hasn't been tempted to blame an external force for own mistakes, he took it way too far and suffered his whole life for it, meanwhile his roommate has a great life and a successful business. Truly Goob isn't in the right, but I still feel for the guy. 

7. Syndrome - The Incredibles

 Syndrome every child's revenge plot gone wrong. Don't lie everyone did this as a kid, when you felt slighted you would think of what you would do to "show them wrong" fortunately most of us don't have the tenacity and technical know how of this particular fan. As a former FIRST geek I like any type of engineer let alone one as brilliant as Syndrome, though I don't particularly approve of what the designed the geek in me likes me more than the Incredible family.

6. Doctor Facilier (Shadow Man) - Princess and the Frog

He may have friends on the other side, but he's also got a friend in me. Yes he manipulated several people to make good on a deal with the other side. But he never lied to any of them when making a deal, he may just have interpreted the deal differently, and I like that kind of ingenuity. Then again it could just be the Tarot cards, I like me a good deck of Tarot cards.

5.Yzma - Emperors New Groove

Every time I watch this movie I cant help but love Yzma, she works for a selfish teenage ass and gets fired for it. She wants to retain her power so she attempts to poison the guy, personally I would have gotten another job but I digress. Like many of the villains on this list her only ally is lacking the brains department and I can only feel pity. Plus at the end of the film shes turned into a cat, and I can't not love cats.

4. Hades - Hercules

 

Maybe its because I read the myths long before seeing the film, perhaps I just feel bad for leaders working with complete imbeciles (see: every group project I've had ever) But I just feed bad for the guy, he gets the job with the worst rap ever, and his younger brother gets all the glory, call be crazy but that would piss me off too. Would I try to kill my nephew to get my way? No. Do I understand why he wants Olympus? hell yes.   

3.Gaston - Beauty and the Beast

Now I'm not saying that I like Gaston, in fact I think that he is a giant Douche. But going back to what I said about the villains basically being over exaggerated versions of character traits. Gaston as much as I hate to admit it is very much like teenage me, conceited, vain and thinking that I deserve anything I want. He is the reminder that what can happen if you take your vanity too far and become ugly on the inside.

2. Jafar - Aladdin

 

 

Jafar, a villain after my own heart (sort of) huge collection of books, alchemical knowledge, the ability to run the kingdom through the buffoon of a sultan. How that guy could have kept the kingdom running without Jafar is a mystery to me. All the guy wanted was the job he was doing anyway, and was perfectly willing to go about it with normal means, being marrying the sultans daughter. Then some upstart thief masquerades as a prince and steals it all away, and Jafar loses his cool, the rest is history.   

1. Scar - The Lion King

 

 

 

Oh Scar how I feel for you. Now before I get killed by angry Simba and Mufasa fans let me explain. Its never fun being the sibling to the family favorite, worse is knowing that your parents prefer your brother. Add on top of that the guys only friends/ allies are compete morons. Who can say that they've never worked with people like the hyenas. (hint: if you haven't you're one of them) Poor kitty, if he wasn't such a crappy ruler I would have been rooting for him to win. 

  http://iblog4.me

Merde...

For that's of you that don't know I do have a second job that I normally work on Wednesday's at a small metaphysical shop two streets down from my apartment. On Saturday my co-worker needed the day off for one reason or another and I offered to take his shift. So bright and early I went over to the store ready to open her up, only to find I only had one of two store keys.... Shit.

So one call to my bosses and an hour later I still wasn't in the store, because we only had 2 sets of keys and the person with the other set was unreachable! Why? you ask. Because she lives in the middle of nowhere and she doesn't get any cell reception. Joy. Luckily for all of us involved she did show up around two hours in looking for her check. Thus I was able to go about my day with the expectation that my boss was going to kill me. 

say goodnight. 

So after asking several people for my blindfold and cigarette (which sadly I never got) and lots of apologizing over the phone later my boss does show up. And I don't know which god likes me so much but clearly one does, because I was neither killed, fired, or replacing the lock. Instead everybody now gets their own set of keys (you know so I don't lock us ALL out ever again) 

Honestly sometimes I don't know what to do with me.